Confession #1 #Family

This is my self talk , I can't stand messing up my mind so I have to write them out.
The below part is not reader-friendly.If you really wanna read it , deal with it yourself. :)

I wanna feel related to people I'm related to.
but I don't know and I wonder is it every family else just like my family ?
There is many secrets , some are dirty but some aren't but every secrets are sensitive topics.
When somebody talk about those topics and the atmosphere is like exploded.
Boom . Someone is on fire , someone sets fire , someone gets burned and someone else try to pull someone out of the fire.
I just watch them , I can't help , I'm just a kid and have no right to say something.
All of a sudden , you will remember someone did some faults before and someone's secret.
When the fire is extinguished ,the atmosphere is harmony again but you better watch out for the next time. It is strange , I think.

I think of Taylor Swift's "Eyes Open" , the 2nd part of the song.
I don't like to sleep in night , I just wanna sleep whenever I'm tired .
If I sleep when I don't feel like sleeping , when my eyes are shut ,
I will think of some people , some words they said , something they did and some strange thought.
That's why I always stay up all night and only sleep when I really can't stand.
I admit that , I care too many things, too much.
Sometimes, when I say "Who cares?", I just temporarily don't wanna think about it.
Sometimes, when I say "I don't care.", I just wanna persuade myself not to care about it.

I talked about myself with my friends before and the more I tell them , the more I feel like I shouldn't tell them . Most of them really do care about me, so do I.
So I recently don't talk about my deep thoughts,I don't wanna let them worry anymore.
I can stand bad things happen to me , it is a habit and I think it is a good one.
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It's 1:26 AM now , I could sleep without thinking about it now.
Tomorrow is a brand new day , oh I mean today. Revision , wosh.